Journey Through the Planets Read online

Like A Pickle”.

  Jury: Isn’t that a bit strange of a name for a group?

  Chief U: These days? Maybe all of the cool acronyms have been taken.

  (A group of protesters enter)

  Protest Leader: Who’s in charge here?

  Jury: Just a minute. Viking!!!! Rover!!!

  (Viking and Rover enter)

  Viking: Yeah? What’s up?

  Rover: erf?

  Jury: Violent protesting people here to see you.

  Leader: We’re not violent. We’re a peaceful protest group.

  Jury: Oh. Ok then. You need anything Viking, Rover? Just wondering how your rest is going.

  Rover: Rough!

  Viking: Umm, thanks for checking, I guess. Good night?

  (Viking and Rover exit)

  Jury: The Captain would be the leader, but he’s in the control room. Can I take a message?

  (The protesters huddle)

  Leader: We want Pluto back as the 9th planet.

  Group Secretary: And a pickle!

  Leader: And our group’s secretary wants a pickle.

  Group member 2: But we can’t give him a pickle because if he gets one then we’ll have to change our name again.

  Group member 3: Yes, then we’d be the PPBAAPABTWIGAP.

  Jury: And the difference is?

  Group Leader: “Got” a pickle, instead of “Want” a pickle.

  Jury: Ahhh, ok.

  Group Leader: Anyway, we want Pluto back as a planet as soon as possible, please.

  Group secretary: And a…

  Group Leader: Pickle! I know! I already told you. I’ll get you a pickle at the store as soon as we are done protesting! Now, please let it go, ok?

  Group Secretary: You let the planet thing go and I’ll let the pickle thing go.

  Jury: Please don’t protest about the protest. I’ll go and see the Captain.

  (Jury exits)

  Daoni: Can I get some nuts for anyone?

  (murmurs of assent)

  Group member 3: I have a peanut allergy. Do you have anything else?

  Group Secretary: You happen to have any pickles?

  Daoni: No pickles, sorry. I might have some pretzels though.

  (Daoni passes out pretzels and nuts)

  (Jury reenters)

  Jury: Great news! After some intense negotiating the Captain has been successful with your demand!

  (Group cheers)

  Group leader: You mean Pluto has been reclassified as a planet?

  Jury: Not that one, sorry. But he did manage to scrounge up a jar of pickles.

  Group Secretary: Yay!

  Jury: I’m sorry, but you have to leave now. We have another protest group scheduled to begin in 5 minutes.

  Group Leader: Darn it! I knew I should have been the one to write down our name! Let’s go!

  (Group exits)

  Steward: Ladies and Gentlemen, for our trip to Pluto the Captain has turned on the “fasten seat belts” sign since the journey here in the outer solar system is so long and boring most people fall out of their chairs. We will also be placing everyone into suspended animation so we can keep the food budget under control. Please take the next few minutes to address any immediate needs or concerns you are having since otherwise you’ll be suspended with them for the next 27 years.

  (72 and 73 enter stealthily)

  72: We’ve got to be suspended or else we’ll be the only ones walking around for the next 27 years.

  73: Yeah. 27 years with a ship to ourselves with a full refrigerator.

  72: And a full freezer.

  73: And lots of cupboards.

  72 & 73: MMMmmmMMM

  72: On second thought, let’s suspend the suspension.

  73: Suspended and expelled!

  72: I wonder if they have any pickles.

  (they exit)

  Narrator: The ship is placed under suspended animation, except for two, and sleeps for almost 27 years. Finally as they close the distance to Pluto the automatic sensors start to awaken the crew first to prepare for the awakening needs of the passengers.

  (Captain AckAck & First Officer Kahoutek rush through the stage)

  Captain AckAck: Bathroom!!!

  First Officer Kahoutek: Seconds!!!

  Jury: Wait for me!

  (Steward comes back onstage)

  Steward: This is awful! Just awful! What am I going to do?

  (AckAck, Kahoutek and Jury return in order and look happy)

  Jury: What’s wrong Steward?

  Steward: It’s the food supply.

  Jury: What about it?

  Steward: It’s gone. Except for a half eaten jar of chunky peanut butter and a sleeve of crackers. The rest is gone.

  Jury: What could have happened?

  (Security Chief U enters with a very fattened 72 and 73)

  Chief U: I can show you what happened to the food. It’s all right there! (pointing to the enlarged bellies of 72 & 73)

  Steward: You ate everything?

  72: Almost.

  73: If we would have only had 15 more minutes.

  Jury: What are we going to feed the passengers? They’re starting to wake up now.

  Chief U: I can recommend two courses. (Eyeing 72 & 73)

  72: Ack! No!

  73: I’m very tough, and mostly fat.

  Steward: We can see that.

  Jury: I’ll order pizza. That new place next to Andromeda promises 30 minutes or less.

  72: Can I have a slice? I’m hungry.

  73: Me too. And could you pass the peanut butter?

  Steward: Get them out of here!

  Chief U: Let’s go. You’re off at Pluto.

  Captain AckAck: Ladies and Gentlemen. We are entering the Pluto system. Please prepare for landing. If you will be traveling onward with us, we look forward to seeing you soon. If your destination is Pluto or another ship to elsewhere, thanks for flying with us. We’ve enjoyed the opportunity to serve you and would love to do so again.

  Narrator: So ends the somewhat strange trip to Pluto for The LumpyBag. Everyone got to have some pizza, and everyone left the ship happy. Would they choose to fly this way again? No. I don’t think so.

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